Best Man Tips

Different Circumstances

Different circumstances may require different speakers. For example, the toast to the bride and groom need not be proposed by the bride's father. If he is dead, for example, or for some reason not present, the speech could be made by whoever has given her away. If the bride's father is unable or unwilling to make a speech and it is felt that a speech is wanted as well as the toast, this responsibility could be given to a male relative (such as a favorite uncle) or to a close friend of the family (for example, the bride's godfather). The speech might even nowadays be given by the bride's mother. If the bride has grown-up children, it could be one of them.

If the couple have been living together before their marriage, they may well take responsibility for all the wedding arrangements and the cost of the wedding, and will therefore be acting as their own hosts, and the father of the bride may not be asked to contribute to the speeches at all.

In a second marriage, the son of the bride might give his mother away or the son of the groom might be his father's best man. If, however, he did not feel up to making a speech at the reception, someone else could be asked to stand in for him.

The bride and groom might decide that it should be the bride and not the groom who should make the second of the traditional speeches, and that it should be she who proposes the toast to her bridesmaid. Now that many people travel abroad for work or leisure, there is an increasing number of marriages between speakers of different languages.

If the wedding is being held in the bride's country and the groom does not feel confident enough to make a speech in a foreign language (and the same might apply to his best man), it could be that the couple decide that it should be the bride who replies to her father's speech, or indeed they could choose to make a joint (and possibly bilingual) speech.

Civil partnerships have introduced several new factors into the traditional structure of wedding speeches. For a start you don't have a bride and groom, you have two people of the same sex who are making exactly the same commitment to each other as a bride and groom would do at a traditional wedding. Since there is no traditional bride/groom distinction, it is likely that both partners will want to say something. There may not be a best man/woman as such, though there will still need to be witnesses. If both fathers are present, it may well be that they will both want to speak, but on the other hand the toast to the couple may be proposed by a friend.

The key point to be taken is that there is no need to hold to tradition, nor to be worried about breaking with tradition. Notwithstanding anything that is said in this or any other guide, whatever is appropriate for a particular marriage or partnership in particular circumstances is always the right option.